10 Things it’s time for Pakistanis to realize

I was born, raised and spoilt in Pakistan. It was fun. It gave me cricket, it brought me Polka and just when I thought all was well, it gave me World Cup, 1999. Even better were, and have always been, the people that populate this wonderful piece of land. Loving, caring, mysteriously dying, people with their hearts full of fire and their eyes full of dust. To cut it short, I’ve loved this country and have expressed that at multiple occasions This, however, shall not be one of them. Pakistani awam has had its share of crazies and that doesn’t seem to be ending anytime soon. Most of these behavioral fruit loops are annoying, overdone and worth punching people in the face for.

Following is a list of things I think the Pakistan awam SHOULD realize before it gets nuked in the gut for good.

  1. There is a maila in all of us. Though, there are different degrees of the extremeness with which we are compatible with it. Just because you don’t dance to Tamil songs or laugh at Umer Sharif, doesn’t mean you get to judge anyone else. Let it flow out of you and into the world. Ever seen a true maila? He is happy as fuck. Learn from that.
  2. There’s a reason our maadri zabaan is NOT English. And that’s probably why most of the people around you ( or some ) will not be good at it. If your father worked hard, got paid well and got you into a good school so you could speak and act the way you do now, doesn’t mean anyone else’s father didn’t try just as hard. When you judge a person on his English, you are judging a whole chain of elements, including his family, his father, his background and probably their lack of resources. Reham karo. Zalzala aya tau tum bhi sarak par ho gay.
  3. It’s one thing to shop at Sunday Market/Jumma Bazaar and another to glorify the fact that you did so. It’s pretty much a kabaari market for people who like a good deal and cheap clothes. Not so cool now, is it?
  4. Playing FIFA does NOT make you a gamer. Get over yourself.
  5. You’re a liar for telling your friend you won’t be late for class, a cheater for violating the traffic signal every morning and a big fat thief for stealing notes off the internet to complete your business research due next week. Stop pretending to be the Allah miyan ke gayein your amma thinks you are. Would really save us the trouble of fighting you over “Islam” on the internet.
  6. If you are a dead motorcyclist, chances are you were stupid enough to assume the main road was your naani ka sehan. Stop looking down on car/bus walas with all that hate. They have more of you to watch out for.
  7. Everything a motivational speaker tells you is a collection of words/phrases/quotes from books, movies, popular songs and sometimes indie porn movies. That collection is usually called “Life”. Stop paying 10,000 Rupees to learn how to live it. Leave your house and it would come to you naturally.
  8. The Lala in Shahid Afridi is similar to those childhood toys that spring up every now and then around the house and manage to give you a few smiles. Stop allowing people like me to take advantage of you by selling you crap with Lala’s face on it. Even Pepsi’s given up on him now.
  9. Just because you watched Batman, doesn’t mean you get an advantage over the countless years lonely geeks have put into reading comic books and getting fat in the process. Respect that, read a book and then enter a discussion.
  10. I congratulate you for trying to have a music career in Pakistan but Taher Shah just got viral and you will probably be covering his song in the years to come. Stop trying so hard, play your music and agree to the fact that you are eventually getting a desk job in a “marketing company”.
  11. Remember those days when you would get likes/comments on your status updates? Then you decided to put 3600 hashtags and no one ever came back? #TimeToTakeItEasyBro
  12. A girl who shows skin is not a slut. Because if that’s what we were doing, your bearded father has a bomb strapped to his chest.
  13. Bachi CBM ke ho ya IBA, kisi abba ke hay and Inshallah aik din apkay ghar bhi paida hogi. Thora khayal kro. Karma is a super, super bitch.
  14. Fat guys now have girlfriends and fat girls now get married. Start eating. Food was given to you, so you could stuff it down your throat. Shukar kar aur sehat bana.
  15. And finally, remember that one guy, back in the day, who would take his batting and then run home saying, “Ammi, bularahi hein”? Don’t be that guy. Neither literally nor metaphorically. We hated him then, we hate him now.

Yes. 15. I lied. Told you I am a proud Pakistani.

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113 thoughts on “10 Things it’s time for Pakistanis to realize

      1. Samra Muslim

        My apologies! That was an emotional outburst on ur honesty … Being Pakistani myself 🙂

      2. Fahad

        I have always been the invisible blog reader who never bothers to leave a comment on anything, and I mean it, but your post was shared on my wall and after going through this absolute dogshit, I could not resist but tell you that you are a small-minded degenerate asshole! I don’t even want to mention the countless things that are wrong with this article and your head, but you clearly tried too hard to make an impression (Itna tu Tim Burton). You should have included “by a burger bacha, for burger bachay” in the title. At least learn to count.

      3. Fahad

        Honestly speaking, I agree with most of the points but the execution of your ideas was a bit extreme probably. Roza sabar sikhata hai but apka article parh k ramzan and sabar k baray mein sab bhool gaya; this shows the shortcomings of our society. I actually appreciate your article if it wasn’t for some extreme comments. Please don’t mind my hateful comments.

  1. Shaikh Faizan Hussain

    its funny how they say, “Stop paying 10,000 Rupees to learn how to live life. Leave your house and it would come to you naturally ” and still writing about how one should go around and do stuff. wasn’t it supposed to come naturally ? i hope reading this would fix world’s issues. you surely saved me and whole lot of people from getting punched in the face. Peace.

    Reply
  2. Hassan

    Hi Ramish, I agree with most of what you wrote and I really like your blog. It may not be worth the trouble to you but I would really appreciate if you started your own email list, where your subscribers will get an email every time you submit an entry. You’ll be able to develop a deep relationship with your readers, and if you blog lets say, every Tuesday your readers will actually look forward to getting your email.

    Reply
  3. Ahmad Athar

    harsh yet true words… agree with you… and we might not get nuked but we will certainly fade into oblivion… the “pure” people need to awaken… also nice play with the 10 and giving 15…

    Reply
  4. Hassan

    I don’t agree with #10, the world has changed you should change your expectations accordingly, doing work you love e.g music, art or starting your own business is much more possible today but it’s not easy.

    Reply
  5. Samra Muslim

    Excellent and very valid points made! You go girl for saying it all … And with such oomph …! *Thumbs Up*

    Reply
      1. Sophia Raza

        L.O.L. Left me confused for a bit too…. your gender issue. Can’t figure it out from your name! :p

  6. Ghassan Khan

    Another thing we need to realize … we’re hungry, naked and unsheltered.
    Just pointing out the perspectives with which we need to view our society.
    Peace,

    Reply
  7. Michelle Khan

    You know my uncle lost his life while he was driving my cousin back from college on his bike, and according to multiple eye witness accounts it sure as hell wasn’t his fault a van wala decided to trample upon him and got away with it. No civilized person would think it’s humorous to insult accident victims and no rational person would generalize such an insult.

    Reply
    1. ramishsafamobin Post author

      Sorry to hear about your uncle. As far as the rationality of my blog goes, I usually have a dark undertone to the stuff that I write. You don’t have to appreciate it.

      Thanks for speaking up.

      Reply
  8. saad

    You seems too conservative…societies evolve by themselves and Pakistan is also evolving…you can not stop what is happeing in a society…

    Reply
    1. Hammad

      we are evolving is so diverse directions that we can hardly appreciate some one else evolving.
      maila tu dil se hona hi chahye 😀

      Reply
  9. Ahmad Maken

    Usually we use loud and bold words to grab attention although nothing wrong in it but I would say you apparently have much more than this in you; think of writing something more literal and poetic. 🙂

    Just a suggestion please no “Jugat” on me the innocent :p

    Reply
  10. Pingback: 10 Things it’s time for Pakistanis to realize | Butterfly

  11. Sarah

    Bachi CBM ke ho ya IBA, kisi abba ke hay and Inshallah aik din apkay ghar bhi paida hogi. Thora khayal kro. Karma is a super, super bitch.

    This was epic!

    Reply
  12. SahrishS

    Very valid points made! Awesome post!
    Thank you for this post. Indeed it’s time for Pakistanis to realize all this, admit it and do something about it.

    Reply
  13. Cashif Abbas

    Like others, I must admit.. Dude you had got the guts to pour your observations on paper as a critic yet creative writer! Keep it up and yeah add this too in your list #16 you lied when you say to you’re child always speak truth after saying this “go and tell you’re uncle i’m not at home” #mar

    Reply

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